TGS-PFLAG To subscribe to TGS-PFLAG, send the message "subscribe tgs-pflag yourname" to listproc@critpath.org. This FAQ is written in two parts. The first part, written by Robyn Serven, captures the "spirit" of TGS-PFLAG. The second part is in the more traditional Q & A format. Our Neighborhood Welcome into our homes and lives. You are now a resident of the TGS-PFLAG neighborhood. There are a lot of nice people here. Some of us are like you and some of us are quite different. Down the block is a woman who has a newly emerging son and right across the street is a woman with a daughter she didn't know she had until recently. On the corner lives someone who refers to herself as bigendered. S/he lives next door to a couple of women who used to be viewed as a "normally" married heterosexual couple. And over there lives a man who grew up as a girl right next door to a person who doesn't believe sie is either gender or that there are only two genders. The house behind you is where a transgendered woman lives who doesn't believe that surgery is right for her. And you live right between a woman who has a gay child and is working for a more accepting world, and a man who enjoys presenting as a woman during portions of his life. We are, all of us, different than one another. And many of us have differing views of what it would take to make us happy. So we have come together in this community to try to build that better place, a place where each of us can be free to be ourselves, to bare our hearts and souls, and to help each other adapt to the changes that may be happening in our lives. We disagree on some matters. These include, but are not limited to: how we should address ourselves politically to the world outside our neighborhood; whether or not medical intervention is necessary for some of us to be happy; how mental health professionals do or should view us; the bipolarity, or not, of gender; stealth vs. being out, and sexual orientation. But we have agreed to disagree on these topics and have decided that when one of them comes up that we will discuss it in a calm manner speaking from our experience, rather than about theories and ideas. We always try to remember and understand the feelings of others when we speak. We don't want anyone to feel threatened here. We strive to honor the feelings and emotions of those in the neighborhood, to make each of us feel welcome. No one of us is a better person than any other of us. If one of us does find something that someone else has said to be unclear, alarming, and/or threatening in any way, we first try to speak to that person privately, to clear up the miscommunication. If that doesn't help, we write to the listowner, rizzoe@fasecon.econ.nyu.edu to act as a mediator in the dispute. We hope that in that way, we can avoid setting fire to our neighborhood. 1) What is the purpose of this list ? TGS-PFLAG is for support of parents, family, spouses and friends of transgendered people and transgenders who wish to discuss family or other personal relationships. 2) What topics are appropriate for this list ? Discussions based on personal experience about family or other personal relationships. We also welcome questions from anyone on family issues, especially coming out to family members, and also requests for referrals, reading lists, and other resource information. 3) What topics are not appropriate for this list ? There are certain topics in transgender circles which are sure to spark controversy including but not limited to the DSM, appropriateness of surgery, politics within the T community. We ask that people who are already aware of the controversy surrounding these issues not engage in public discussion on these topics or continue on this list arguments taking place on other lists. 4) Who may join this list ? While this list was created primarily for parents,spouses and families, both of origin and of affinity, of transgendered people, everyone with a genuine interest in the topic may join. We do ask that those who post speak primarily from personal experience, sharing their stories and concerns, not their ideas and theories. We use the broadest definition of "transgendered" which includes but is not limited to cross-dressers, transsexuals (pre, post, and non-op), intersexed, bi-gendered, drag queens, drag kings, androgynes, and anyone who is either questioning or confused about their gender identity. 5) What does the acronym TGS-PFLAG stand for ? TransGender Support - Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. PFLAG is a national organization with over 400 local chapters which provides support, education and advocacy. 6) Why Doesn't PFLAG have a T or a B ? Although PFLAG has not yet amended it's mission statement to include "transgendered," the two most recent presidents have publicly announced that PFLAG as an organization welcomes transgendered people and their families. In addition, a growing number of chapters have voted to go on record formally as being "t-friendly." PFLAG has created a special outreach network for the parents, families and friends of transgendered children. PFLAG-T SON is one of nine special outreach networks sponsored by PFLAG. 7) Are there any support groups just for families and friends of, transgendered people ? In 1995 Ellie Altman established a PFLAG chapter in Northbrook, Ill. dedicated to the support of parents of transgenders. Ellie can be contacted at EllieAlt@aol.com TransFamily in Western Pennsylvania is a support group which is open to all transgendered people, supportive family members and supportive friends. For more information contact Janet Flecher at Janet@ccia.com or Deni Scott at dscott@pgh.net. The Philadelphia Area has Philly T*FAM (formerly Philadelphia Area T*Family Support Group) which has been meeting in Voorhees, N.J. with the next meeting on December 14. The next meeting will be held on Saturday, January 18, probably in Philadelphia. The February meeting will be held on Sunday, February 16, concurrent with the PFLAG meeting at 21st and Sanson in Philadelphia. For more information, send email to: FDRJ34A@prodigy.com. In the Cleveland area, contact Kitten Gross at KittenGR@juno.com for information on her support group. 8) Who owns the list ? Emily Rizzo is the list owner. A mother of a gay son and vice president of Brooklyn PFLAG, Emily became interested in transgender issues at the 1995 PFLAG Convention. She has been an active participant for the past four years in soc.motss, the gay and lesbian newsgroup. rizzoe@fasecon.econ.nyu.edu. Janet Flecher is assistant list owner. She's a male to female transexual, still married to Mary Lou (who is also on the list) and is active in her local PFLAG chapter. janet@ccia.com. 9) Can you sum up the goal of this list ? It's our hope to provide the equivalent of a virtual PFLAG meeting on line for parents, spouses and families of transgenders with emphasis on support. We believe that people should speak primarily from personal experience and that understanding and insight can be gained by sharing each other's stories. Relatives of people who are "different", whether due to sexual orientation or gender often feel isolated and alone. Having a place to hear other people's experiences which may mirror their own may help them to understand their own family members and lead to better acceptance and closer families. 10) Does TGS-PFLAG have a web site ? The PFLAG-Talk Website serves both the pflag-talk and tgs-pflag email lists. There are sections for support, education (library), advocacy, links to other sites, and help for "newbies" to the Internet. http://www.critpath.org/pflag-talk/ 11) Are there any other PFLAG lists ? There is PFLAG-T-SON, also on Critpath, which is for discussion of advocacy and education only; support issues are handled on TGS-PFLAG. To subscribe to PFLAG-T-SON send e-mail to listproc@critpath.org. There is another list called PFLAG-TALK much like this one for parents of lesbians, gays and bisexuals. To join, send the one word message "subscribe pflag-talk" to majordomo@casti.com. a) What other information is available ? PFLAG has prepared a printed Transgender Resource Packet. If you wish to receive a copy, send your postal mail address to rizzoe@fasecon.econ.nyu.edu. Emily Rizzo maintains an informal distribution list of "interesting things," mainly news items concerning transgenders. If you wish to be added to this list, send e-mail to rizzoe@fasecon.econ.nyu.edu. 13) What other transgender resources are there on the net ? a) Transgen (transgen@brownvm.brown.edu...sub to listserv@brownvm.brown.edu with the message SUBSCRIBE TRANSGEN) A discussion list for transgendered people, usually dominated by transsexual women, but with a fair number of transsexual men, crossdressers, and other transgender people. b) tsmenace (tsmenace@zoom.com...sub to majordomo@zoom.com with the message subscribe tsmenace yourname <your@address> Transsexual Menace email list. Transgender politics and political action. c) TG-Spirit (tg-spirit@listserv.aol.com...sub to listserv@listserv.aol.com with the message SUBSCRIBE TG-SPIRIT) Discussion of transgender spirituality (or spirituality of/for transgendered folk, if there is a difference there) d) TG-Discuss (tg-discuss@listserv.aol.com...sub to listserv@listserv.aol.com with the message SUBSCRIBE TG-DISCUSS) Discussion of transgendered issues e) AmBoyz@netgsi.com -- A list for a broad range of masculine identified people who were born female (includ, but not limited to: FTMs, transmen, butches, drag kings, intersexuals, etc...). Mostly concerned with Mid-Atlantic regional happenings. List wrangler is Gary Bowen, who also coordinates a support netowrk on the East Coast called the American Boyz (subscribe: majordomo@netgsi.com). f) FTMOLInfo@aol.com -- Run by 2 FTMs. Jerry Kellen McCracken and Vaughn D'Aberville, who can be contacted at FTMOLInfo@aol.com. This is a good list for general info important to FTM communities. Their web site is at: http://www.ftminfo.net e) MtMInfo@home.com -- "MtM" stands for man-to-male or man-to-man (or some variation thereof), instead of the more typical denotation of *female*-to-male. MtM is believed, by some, to affirm that transmen feel they have never been traditionally female, and/or women. Send request for information to: MtMInfo@home.com. Their web site is at: http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/1266 g) Sandy@actlab.utexas.edu -- Write to "posttranssexual" pioneer Sandy Stone (Of "The Empire Strikes Back: A Posttranssexual Manifest" fame). This is the *only* ACADEMIC trans list out there. For information send a request to sandy@actlab.utexas.edu. h) TransFags@aol.com -- Havn't seen a lot of activity here for awhile, but the concept is a list for gay-identified FTMs. For information send a request to transfags@aol.com i) TransKink@ucsd.edu -- A list for kinky transpeople. For information send a request to transkink@ucsd.edu j) BoyChicks@queernet.org -- A list for "Butches and their Admirers" run by Dorsieh Hathaway. The list deals with "Trans issues" often, as they intersect with butch concerns. Write <dorsieh@teleport.com> for sub info. k) Somethingelse@queernet.org -- A list which is more FTM focused, run by a "friend" of Dorsieh Hathaway (Devon Hathaway). I believe, tho the issues intersect very closely with FTM concerns, that is is called "somethingelse" because list participants are looking for more than the typical FTM party-line dialogue around trans issues. Write <dorsieh@teleport.com> for sub info. l) F2M-SOFFA is an affiifate of the Amercan Boyz. "Anyone who is affiliated in a personal way with an f2m crossdresser, transsexual, intersexual, tomboy, butch, third, transman, or other gender variant person who was assigned female gender at birth--but who feels that is an inadequate description--is welcome to participate in the f2m-soffa list." SOFFA stands for "significant other, friends, family and allies." Subscription requests and requests for more info can be sent to: transman@netgsi.com. m) Antijen's list for tg and questioning youth; send e-mail to Jenstar@voicenet.com for more information. n) T*Significant other Support List: For Wives, Husbands, Girlfriends & Boyfriends (exen ex-) of TGs,TVs, CDs & and others. Commands e-mail: macjordomo@lbachman.bevc.blacksburg.va.us Problems & Subscription requests to: netadmin@lbachman.bevc.blacksburg.va.us 14) How do I unsubscribe from this list ? Send listproc@critpath.org the message "unsubscribe tgs-pflag" 15) Help! There are too many messages! I can't handle them all! Listproc handles digests differently from Majordomo. You no longer subscribe to a different list but just send an additional command and you will receive your mail from this list in digest form. If you wish to receive this instead send the message "set tgs-pflag mail digest" to listproc@critpath.org. Do not unsubscribe from the TGS-PFLAG list! 16) How do I send a message to this list ? Send your e-mail to tgs-pflag@critpath.org. It will automatically be forwarded to everyone on the list. 17) How do I reply to a message from this list ? Set your mailer to reply but you may have to manually type in tgs-pflag@critpath.org as the addressee (depending on which mailer you use), otherwise your message will go as private e-mail to the original sender. Also, be sure to include a brief one line entry indicating who wrote the original message so we know who you are quoting. 18) Help! My messages don't get through because I have two different e-mail addresses and Listproc doesn't recognize me as a subscriber. Set a reply-to header in their messages. Listproc will look at that instead of the From header, and your mail system won't re-write it. 19) Can an outsider post to this list ? No. Any message from a non-subscriber gets bounced to the list owner who may then choose to repost it to the list. Be careful, though, if you have multiple e-mail addresses to post from the same address which you used to subscribe. 20) Can anyone find out who is subscribed to this list ? No. The recipient list has been suppressed so only the list owner knows who the members are. 21) What about confidentiality ? While we welcome and encourage the sharing our personal stories, and we ask that members respect the confidentiality of others, there is no guarantee that anything you write here won't be picked up and rebroadcast by another list member. There is always the danger on the internet that any message may be read by a systems administrator or operator. 22) What is the history of this list ? The idea for this list was conceived at the Transgender Workshop at the 1995 National PFLAG convention in Indianapolis, Indiana. The original founders were Maggie Heineman, Sharon Stuart, Mary Boenke, Anne Johnson and Emily Rizzo. The list was first established on November 8th, 1995. 23) What is critpath.org ? Critical Path Aids Project of Philadelphia, Pa. They have graciously donated space on their server and administrative support for the TGS-PFLAG list.
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